So my life, every day, consists of the angel and devil. Sitting on my shoulders, debating with each other with me stuck in the middle helpless, cluesless, confused. So confused I’m not even sure which one isthe devil and which is the angel.
One of them screams at me to eat and constantly thinks about food and makes me so damn hungry. The other is telling me not to eat, I’ll get fat, I’ll put weight on. I know from an outsiders view it’s clear which one is the angel and the devil. But I always listen to the devil, to the point where he praises me and makes me feel happy if I skip a meal. In my mind the angel, is becoming the devil, persuading me to eat, tempting to me eat, always on about food and health. So even the angel and the devil sitting on my shoulders is confusing. They’ve switched roles, I’ve learnt to ignore and hate the angel and obey the devil. How messed up is that.
It’s not just food it’s the laxatives too! The angel, or the should be angel telling me not to, the devil, who I obey telling me to take one, to half it or to take another half, to not let me sleep until I’ve popped that pill in my mouth. I obey and I get rewarded, Yes in pain yes I don’t need to , but I get rewarded by that empty feeling. So the devil now rewards me!