Yet another sleepless night, I’m sick of this. Sick of this tossing and turning and not sleeping, not switching off, the agitation, the thoughts, every sound driving me mad, I can hear my brain, hear my stomach hear everything!
I’ve never been so agitated it drives me mad, I let it win, I let it get to me but I can’t help it. I have a better relationship with 3am that my own family! I see more of it than I see them. Sleeping pills don’t work, they make me more tired the next day, I do the whole no technology thing, get up go back to bed thing. Nothing!!
My mind just doesn’t seem to stop. Ever. It’s always thinking of something and until it’s thought or done that thing it’s thinking it won’t stop! Then it’s the food. I’m going to bed most nights without dinner so wake up hungry. My stomach begging for food my brain going into overdrive obsessing over food and I have the devil and angel on my shoulders one telling me eat, yelling me to eat the other telling me off for even thinking about eating, whispering those words “you’ll get fat” telling me it’s the worse time to eat, don’t do it! You’ll regret it. Obviously the devil wins. Obviously I don’t eat. Obviously I can’t sleep, I’ll wake up again, hungry again.