Muddling through the muddle

Today has just felt like a muddle. I can’t really explain how I feel, what I feel or why I feel how I feel. It’s all just a mess. 

I’ve literally plodded through the day (mainly because I’ve felt so physically weak and drained) but I’ve felt flat all day. If flat is a good way of explaining it. I cried today, I cancelled going out today. I cancelled going out, to sit in my room alone, bored, lonely. Does that make sense to you! Shows how much of a muddle my brain Is. I get the option to go out and physically just can’t face going. So I cancel. To be alone. 

I’m right off my food. I’m so hungry. I’ve felt faint all day today but there is nothing I fancy. I can’t think of anything. Apart from alcohol or sweets. And sweets I gave up for lent so I’m not going anywhere near them. 

I dont know. That’s it. That’s all I know. All I know is i don’t know. I don’t how to feel, what to feel, what to do, how to carry on living, how to get out of this, how to eat, what to eat. I just don’t know 

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