I want to run away. I want to not exist. I want to get so drunk. I want to just hide. I want a cuddle. I want to feel my stomach flip when I meet a guy. I want to feel wanted, needed, like I’m here. But I don’t. I’m just no one. Nothing. Barely existing.
I want friends, I want to do so much stuff, I want to live, to explore, to have fun. But I can’t. I don’t. I’m trapped. In a prison. My prison. I’ve created it. And I can’t get out if it. No one else created this. Yes people haven’t helped but ultimately I’m not happy, I’m depressed, I have an eating disorder, all because of me. I hate myself, detest myself, no wonder everyone else does to! I’m worthless, I’m alive but I’m not living, I’m merely just here in earth plodding through. I always plod. Plod plod plod. I’m sick to Death if bloody plodding, sick of this life, sick of yet another night in drinking alone. I have an eating disorder I’m depressed and pretty sure I’m developing a drinking issue to! I’m a mess a fucked up mess. No wonder I’m alone and have nothing to show for life.
And thanks to all the people out there that make me feel so much shitter about myself, I can’t help this I don’t choose this so maybe don’t hold it against me. But hey your all not in my life anymore because you didn’t care about me, I was just a mug. I’ll continue to be a mug, as I just care I’m always there I’ll always be thee for people. I’m the hope one day someone will rescue me.
I’m a mess. I’m in prison. My prison. And can’t find a way out. At the. Injure this is me. This has become me. I’ve forgotten how to be other than this. Life. Life is hard.