So my week in a blog.
Well, it’s been a pretty odd week. Not a great one at all. I’ve had lots of arguments with my friend, we seem to clash a lot and worry too much what the other is thinking. But that asides it’s still not been great.
I just don’t know what I’m doing with my life, I have to purpose, no reason. Im just mearly floating, plodding along, unnoticed, passing people by in a bubble.
I went to to the doctors this week, I saw my doctor, who knows everything and is amazing, but even that had changed. He didn’t seem too interested, tried to fob me off, and seemed angry and fed up with me. It’s made me realise I’m helpless. People don’t really care, even the doctor can’t notice how much I’m struggling, not even the figures he has written down: 7st 2, addicted to laxatives, bmi of 15 he still doesn’t seem to notice. It would appear I’m in that stage when no one notices me. No one cares. I just pass them by. Makes me think even more so they wouldn’t notice if I died.
My boss was back this week, no thank you, no well done. No acknowledgement of my hard work I’ve put in when he’s been away, yet I’m still the one who goes in early and is the mug people take advantage off. I’m a door mat, they just walk on and over me. That’s what I am a door mat, or the piece of rubbish that gets left behind stuck in the bin, with a new bag placed over the top of me.
I’m not sleeping, you guessed it, I’m still not eating, I’m waiting for something, but I don’t know what. I think I’ll forever be waiting for a sign, I’m so bloody lost in life!!!
And then I get told I look better a year ago, ouch. That doesn’t make me want to eat to get back to that weight. It hurts. Like I’m not attractive now. I hate myself. The way I look. Everything. But for someone to say I look better back then and they wish I looked like that now. It hurts.
Anyway that’s pretty much my week, another week just passed me by. Another week and still lost.