Why, when, how 

I have so many questions so many thoughts. The main ones are why and when.

Why do I have this. And when will it end. 

I don’t have a life changing event or moment that made me like this. I’m just like this. It frustrates me why I don’t know why I have this. And Why I don’t have friends, what’s so wrong with me that people just don’t like me, forget me , don’t even notice me. Why everyone is so much better. Why I have a food problem, why I compare myself to everyone I see. Why I think of death and why it doesn’t scare me. Just why. It’s the biggest most unanswered question. 

And then there’s the when. When will end, soon, in a year, in two. Will it end for good? I know deep down it won’t. I know I’ll have this for ever. But when will it get easier. When will I be happy all the time. When will I eat normally when will I stop worrying. When will I start living. When will I be better.

When, why and how. 

How will it end. Will it be me getting better or will it be it beating me. How will I learn to be happy. How will I eat. How will I have a life. 
It’s all questions isn’t it. And it frustrates me that none of them i can answer. I have opinions but I’m always wrong. Plans always fail so I never like to think if something happening as the let down is worse. I just want answers. But how do I get them. 

2 thoughts on “Why, when, how 

  1. Totally understandable questions – I remember hearing an interview with Dustin Hoffman where he explained how he had mental issues his whole life and how only now at 70+ he realised its not about winning or losing it’s about living with them. Dont know if he is right but it sounded nice when he said it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I completely relate to the emotions here! Some days it just feels like everything is unsustainable and you just want to give up. You can do it though, you can keep going and searching for answers. Even if you never find them, at least you won’t have given up. You are stronger than you think you are, so hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

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