I have so many questions so many thoughts. The main ones are why and when.
Why do I have this. And when will it end.
I don’t have a life changing event or moment that made me like this. I’m just like this. It frustrates me why I don’t know why I have this. And Why I don’t have friends, what’s so wrong with me that people just don’t like me, forget me , don’t even notice me. Why everyone is so much better. Why I have a food problem, why I compare myself to everyone I see. Why I think of death and why it doesn’t scare me. Just why. It’s the biggest most unanswered question.
And then there’s the when. When will end, soon, in a year, in two. Will it end for good? I know deep down it won’t. I know I’ll have this for ever. But when will it get easier. When will I be happy all the time. When will I eat normally when will I stop worrying. When will I start living. When will I be better.
When, why and how.
How will it end. Will it be me getting better or will it be it beating me. How will I learn to be happy. How will I eat. How will I have a life.
It’s all questions isn’t it. And it frustrates me that none of them i can answer. I have opinions but I’m always wrong. Plans always fail so I never like to think if something happening as the let down is worse. I just want answers. But how do I get them.