Emptiness 

That feeling of being empty….. well in one way anyway. I’m addicted, I know I have a problem but I don’t know how to stop it and the feeling of the emptiness after the pain is worth it. I’m talking about the taboo subject of laxatives and going to the toilet. My body has vine accustomed to the tablets so I bought a liquid formula yesterday and that was enough to trigger it. Thank god! I’m already telling myself that enough is enough and not to take anymore tonight but I already know I’ll be reaching for them. I’m paranoid if I don’t then I won’t go, and then because I stress and worrry it doesn’t happen. It’s just a vicious cycle. 

That feeling of emptiness feels so good but I’d love to feel it in mind too. Even if it was just for one minute when my Brain stopped thinking any of the one million things it thinks constantly. To feel nothing. 

I feel so much at the minute. Several things at any one time. I can never switch off my brain is never empty. I never know how I feel or what I feel as I feel so much. I feel sad, lonely, stressed, worried, confused, I feel fat, ugly, a failure, worthless. My brain overthinks everything so I would love even for a minute to feel nothing , to feel empty, like I can make my body feel. 

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