Not just the Monday blues 

Many people get the Monday blues, my ‘Monday blues’ aren’t just Monday ones and there not just the blues 
Sometimes, well most times I wish I could see in to the future, I wish crystal balls existed. Just to see if all this is actually worth it, though right now I don’t actually know what would make it ‘worth it’ 

I’ve had this life, this constant battle for nearly 10 years now. I always get over it then it comes back, worse each time. I feel like just giving up, what’s the point if it just comes back. This has become me and I hate that this now defines me, it’s part of me but a very unwelcome part of me. 

I think I’ve become so used to it being a part of me I’m forgetting who I am. I’m massively lost, so many people keep telling me I’m just a little lost, but how do I find my way back. If I was lost on a walk I’d end up going round in circles and crying which is exactly what I’n doing. I’d find someone to ask and they would be able to lint me in the right direction but no one can point me in the right direction. 

Everyone that suffers this terrible battle suffers differently and although they’ll understand to an extent they can never fully put themselves in your postion and ultimately it’s me that has to get myself out of this. But how can I when I’m lost! 
I have so many questions so many thoughts so many battles going on I don’t know where to begin. Then there’s the ‘eating disorder’ but I’ll get to that another day! 

If someone could throw me a time machine you would be my hero!!

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